Episode 50: Ruby Fremon | Accepting Fear and Living with Authenticity

Welcome to the Total Freedom Business Show with Ruby Fremon. I am so excited to have you here, Ruby. I know we only just met briefly, but I’ve done a lot of research on you online, little bit of a stalk, and I’m very excited to introduce you on to the show, so welcome.

[00:00:41]

Ruby: Thank you so much for having me, Chris.

Chris: I know! It’s exciting to meet people like you. We bumped into each other on stage at that event – I can’t remember what the event was, down in San Diego – it’s just exciting to run into people!

[00:00:53]

Chris: I’ll give you little bit of a rundown on Ruby, and then I’ll let her kind of take it from there about who she is. But basically – Ruby, from my experience of you online is that you’re all about self-love. You’re all about creating this amazing loving relationship, I believe you’re a healer, you’re a spiritual coach, and you make others ridiculously happy.

Chris: And I just think that’s so cool. Your story of coming from a place of prescription drugs and addiction, and with alcohol, and then into self-love. I think so many people are waiting for this message, and I just want to honor you, and say thank you for what it is you’re doing.

[00:01:29]

Chris: I’ll let you share all the other juice about what it is you’re excited about and what it is you’re bringing into the world at the moment.

Ruby: Thank you so much.

Ruby: I am truly excited about just being an igniter for other people, so by sharing my story I feel like it’s giving people permission to be really raw and authentic about their stories. So many people just deal with the fear of sharing their truth, right? Because they don’t want to be judged.

Ruby: But there is no judgment, because we’ve all been through s***. If we all take the time to just be raw and authentic, we can learn from each other. So a law of my business is built on speaking about my story, on igniting people to share their stories, and showing people that by sharing and speaking our truth, we can then heal.

Chris: And sometimes, the things that we’re being shown by the universe that we have to go through – it’s our lesson to pass on.

[00:02:30]

Chris: I had a guest recently say to me this, and I want to see what you’re thoughts are. He said; “we get given our challenges to solve them and then share the learnings with others”.

Ruby: I hundred percent agree with that.

[00:02:43]

Ruby: I feel like we all learn the same lesson, but in different ways. Whatever we experienced in our lives, why keep that to ourselves? It’s a gift. And if we share it with people, we can help other people. It’s uplifting, it’s inspiring, it’s motivational.

Chris: I love that you’re an igniter. I haven’t heard anyone call themselves igniter before, and if I didn’t have this on recording right now, I would nearly plagiarize that but –

Ruby: [laughs]

[00:03:13]

Chris: So tell us a little bit about your business. We want to really highlight it today, and on this show – you know, your business and what it is you’re doing, and how that’s serving people, and then dive deep into your story.

[00:03:25]

Chris: So, how exactly or what exactly do you bring into the world? I know there’s a lot of things, but what is the exact business and how does that look?

Ruby: My business is coaching. I’m a transformational life coach, I’m a workshop facilitator, and a speaker. I also bring in conscious contents, so I video a lot. I share a lot on social media. Anything to get raw and authentic discussions ignited online is something that I’m super passionate about.

Ruby: I love helping people through coaching on-one-on basis or via groups. All of that, to me, just feels like a super authentic way to connect to other people. Because when you’re working in a one-on-one basis or when you’re working in a group basis, and you create a safe space like I do, people really have the opportunity to open up and to create change and to transform any safe and supported environment.

Chris: And it’s only when they get that space and that allowance, I think, that they truly care. Honestly, I think 90% of businesses and business owners out there, and people in general, they’re stopping themselves based on their past and their thinking, so things like this is so important. I love the value that you’re bringing in.

[00:05:03]

Chris: Tell us your story. We’d love to hear from right back wherever it starts to finding your way into becoming an entrepreneur. I might stop you and highlight some things I find interesting, but we would love to hear about you and how you transitioned to where you are.

Ruby: Sure. Something I don’t share a lot is the real beginning, right? My upbringing. And that was actually pretty healthy.

Ruby: I grew up in a house with a dad who was very successful, very hardworking. He always made us write our annual goals, we always sat down at dinner and talked about things. I grew up in a household where it was very caring, supportive, motivating environment, but there were ways in which I felt a little challenged.

Ruby: To my parents, it was really important to get straight A’s. It was really important to feel accomplished, it was really important to go to University. I didn’t get any of that then, so somewhere down the line, a seed was planted. And that seed was telling me that I wasn’t worthy, that I’m not good enough.

[00:06:06]

Ruby: When you have a seed like that planted, that’s called a limiting belief.

Chris: Right.

Ruby: And as I continued on my journey, I just kept feeding that limiting belief. I was feeding it fear and I was listening to it. I got married really young, I stayed married for five years, experienced a divorce when most people are just beginning to live, like at twenty-five.

Chris: Whoa!

[00:06:30]

Ruby: And that was when I had also experienced my first addiction. That was to prescription medication. So at a very young age, I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, clinical depression and rheumatoid arthritis, as well as fibromyalgia. All at once. They put me on a concoction of – I think it was like 5 or 6 different prescription pills. A twenty-three-year-old. Five or six different prescription pills.

Ruby: I became addicted very fast because I realized that a lot of those pills were numbing the pain that I was feeling, and that numbing feeling felt good.  When I went through my divorce and started experiencing life for what felt like the first time, the numbing feeling stuck with me. That was my addiction; it was feeling numbed out.

Ruby: Not feeling the depression, not feeling the anxiety, not feeling the fear, not feeling the limiting beliefs. I just wanted to numb myself out from all of it.

[00:07:27]

Ruby: My relationships were completely unhealthy. Very toxic. It was one mentally and emotionally abusive relationship to another, and each one would progressively get worse.

[00:07:39]

Chris: Let’s dive in on the numbing. This is a really big thing, and my opinion is this; it’s that if you turn off the negative, you can’t feel the positive—

Ruby: Right!

Chris: — and you just plateau. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that.

[00:08:04]

Ruby: Yeah, I did plateau, and that’s when I got into different sorts of recreational drugs to get me to feel high and happy. To get me to feel like I could do anything. That became my addiction for a long time, because wow; all of a sudden, now I can feel all these amazing things. Who cares if I’m in like a severe depressive state for two days afterwards? It is worth it. I’m going to do this – and that just became part of my life.

[00:08:42]

Chris: Why do you think we’re so scared and why is it so wrong for us to feel this negative feelings? Why is it like you’re not allowed to feel sad?

[00:08:58]

Ruby: A lot of us can relate to the parent who told us; “don’t cry.”

Chris: Right.

Ruby: So that’s another limiting belief I guess planted; I can’t cry because it shows that I’m weak. And If I show that I’m weak, then I can’t do this, this, and this. That limiting belief grows and so many of us experienced that, so it all of a sudden becomes taboo to show that you’re sad, to show that you’re going through something. It’s about saving face and putting on a mask and looking like you have your s*** together all the time.

Ruby: And that’s exhausting.

Chris: I think there’s this huge movement right now called; The Perfect Guru Seems to be Dying.

[00:09:54]

Chris: It’s such a shift.

Chris: And now, moving on to another person and going; you know what, it’s not perfect. It’s so cool.

Ruby: It is cool. I think people are realizing the power of authenticity. Especially with the rise of social media, it’s refreshing to see people post about the stuff that they’re really going through versus; here’s my perfect yoga pose. Here’s my perfect relationship. Look at my perfect car!

Ruby: And then, all of a sudden, you see; today I’m having a bad day. And that draws people in. So authenticity is really winning right now.

[00:10:51]

Chris: So you’re in this place, you’re numbing yourself on one side, and then you’re using ups and highs to go the other way. So take us back there, and talk us through what happened next after that? Obviously, you would have hit rock bottom at some point.

Ruby: Yeah. I was in a relationship for four-and-a-half-years, and it was just a relationship that really tested my self-worth. I put up with a lot more than I – I mean, I think back and I’m like; holy cow, I can’t believe I put up with that. I would never put up with that. But I did.

Ruby: And it was just betrayal, lies, manipulation, and when everything came to the surface and it became very real – like, I had tangible proof – I decided to end things. That’s when I found myself feeling very, very alone.

[00:11:38]

Ruby: That was definitely Rock Bottom Moment for me because I didn’t know how to cope, and I just coped with more partying, more drugs, more alcohol.  I coped with filling my time with other people. I was just doing anything to not feel the misery that was going on, the chaos that was going on.

Ruby: But it was in that moment that I realized something that changed my life forever and it was; it can’t be that all those people are doing things to me.

[00:12:06]

Ruby: In my entire life, up ‘til this point, and I think I was about thirty – up until that point, I was blaming everyone. I was playing the victim. I was saying; “why me?” I was blaming God, I was blaming the Universe, I was blaming my exes, I was blaming my friends. But I never really looked at myself, and in that moment I looked at myself and I was like; the only common denominator in all of these experiences is me.

Ruby: So what am I doing to attract these situations or people and why am I keeping these things in my life? Why am I choosing to keep these things in my life?

Ruby: That was a pivotal moment because I realized; if I have the power to create such chaos, I also have the power to create something different.

Chris: Wow. Wow, this is huge.

[00:12:56]

Chris: How were you able to know that it was you without slipping further into self-pity or into a deeper, darker hole?

Ruby: That’s a great question.

Ruby: This wasn’t the first time I hit rock bottom. I’d hit rock bottom a few times, and it was; “why am I here again?” And it was just that feeling of; I’m so sick and tired of being here. It was my breaking point, and I realized that if I don’t change something, I’m going to keep ending up in this same place.

Chris: Right.

Ruby: Yeah. I looked at it like a do-or-die moment.

[00:13:46]

Chris: I love the “have to” points in our lives. Like, no other option. It’s like, literally – it sounds to me as though you just went; well, either I’m going to figure this out, or I’m done.

Ruby: Right.

Chris: Sometimes those moments are the most special.

[00:13:59]

Chris: Obviously, you made the decision to take responsibility. I think the listeners out there that – they might be going through something right now – this is the point that you really want to tune in to.

Chris: We can take so much from stories. From there on, how did you make the moves to where you are now?

Ruby: I just want to emphasize that this phase takes a lot of time. It’s not like I woke up and I had this epiphany, and miraculously my entire life changed. It’s not like that at all, and I want to make that very clear.

Chris: [laughs]

Ruby: This is the most difficult phase; it’s like taking action and putting things to work and integration.

[00:14:44]

Ruby: For me, the most obvious first step was detox. Not just substances, because that took a long time, but people. It was the people that I realized I needed to detox from first, because I was surrounded by people who are really just dragging me under. People who supported by negative habits, people who encouraged my negative habits. And I needed to get rid of them. So I stopped going out as much.  I replaced nighttime at the club with yoga. I began replacing people with self-love habits for myself.

Ruby: I just started spending more time on my own. The other part of that was really just incorporating healthier habits. Instead of doing this, what should I do?

[00:15:35]

Ruby: The doing-it part is the hard part, because you can tell yourself everything. You can read dozens and dozens of personal growth books, but putting it to action is the toughest part because that takes a strong will and determination. When you’re in your weakest point, sometimes you don’t feel that determined because you feel super beat down.

Ruby: The other huge part was really just taking ownership for everything. Taking ownership for all my actions. Taking ownership for every single thing in my life. Really just putting myself in a position of; “well, if I can do that, I can do this.”

Chris: It sounds like it’s perfect. For anyone out there listening, step one seems to be – it was all around getting the right people around you.

Ruby: Mm-hmm.

Chris: Next, replacing the habits, and then just action, action, action, and positive reinforcement.

[00:16:31]

Chris: Did you get a coach at that time?

Ruby: No. I had a therapist. [laughs]

Chris: [laughs]

Ruby: I mean, you need somewhere to vent. You need a safe space and you do need support. Whether you’re going to find that support with family, or with friends, or a therapist, or a coach, seek out the support.

Chris: And, for me – a lot of times, people really miss this. It’s good that they rely on their family and friends, but the problem is; friends and family have a secondary gain. They still want to be your friend.

Ruby: Right.

Chris: Even your parents! They have a secondary gain for you to look good, so that they look good. You can’t get rid of it!

[00:17:37]

Chris: So you get through it.

Chris: And then, obviously, now, you – start building business straight away, and social media consulting first, or was it – ?

Ruby: I was doing social media throughout that. The coaching came after.

Ruby: It wasn’t until I really started feeling more grounded in this new version of myself that I felt like I wanted to do something with it. Throughout the transformation, I was blogging about it because I really wanted to hold myself accountable. That blog started getting a lot of attention and people were reaching out to me

[00:18:11]

Ruby: So, I realized I had something here. There was something that could really fulfill my purpose, which has always been to help others. Eventually, I ended going back to school, got my life coaching certification, did tons of workshops, tons of personal training, and just stepped out there and started doing it.

[00:18:32]

Chris: Now you do all sorts of stuff, and there’s a few things I was interested – and you do, like, an energy healing and crystal works. Want to tell us about that?

 

Ruby: The energy healing crystal work – I mean, I use crystals for everything. I believe in the power of the metaphysical world, and I strongly believe in the power of energy. If you look at it in just plain physics sense, because a lot of people are scared of the whoa –

Chris: [laughs]

Ruby: Everything is made out of energy!

[00:19:02]

Ruby: So, let’s just get down to science, right? Everything is made up of energy. That is indisputable. Everything is made up of energy; that is proven in physics. Everything. Water, the air, us, our words, our thoughts, our actions, the table in front of me, the computer. Everything is energy.

Ruby: And energy feeds off of energy. That’s also proven in Science. So, if you can feel the energy that you’re honing in your system, then that helps you integrate a deeper sense of healing.

[00:19:55]

Chris: So many people who listen to this show are stuck. They are stuck in their jobs. They see all these people doing all these things, and they say; I wish I could, but I don’t have the time, I don’t have the money – obviously, they don’t believe in themselves.

Chris: I truly think it comes down to everything you’ve talked about – the negative self-view, the negative beliefs – but here’s the thing I really believe; most of us grew up with employee parents.

[00:20:27]

Chris: For the person listening, we’re going to get some free coaching; if they are there, and they know that this is something that they want to do. They know it, viscerally; “I’ve got to do more but don’t have the time, I don’t have the money, I don’t have the self-belief,”), from Coach Ruby where should they start? What should they do? What’s your advice for them?

Ruby: You should start by dropping your excuses.

Ruby: Recognize that saying you’re too busy, you don’t have the money, you don’t have the know-how? Those are all just bull**** excuses that you’re telling yourself. You’re basically limiting yourself from hitting your true potential.

Ruby: If you can’t get through that, you’re going to be stuck in that same damn place.

Chris: Just drop the excuses?

Ruby: Yeah! I mean, you’re going to feel fear, because you’re doing something different. It’s natural human instinct to feel fear when we’re challenged with something different. It’s natural to feel fear when we’re confronted with something new. So fear is natural instinct.

Chris: It’s just newness! I say this all the time – it’s not uncomfortable, it’s just new.

Ruby: Right!

Chris: It’s just new. You’ve never done it before!

Ruby: Exactly. So just push through it! You feel it, that’s great, but don’t let it block you.

Chris: Yeah!

[00:22:11]

Chris: There’s probably some listeners out there – whether watching the TV show or they’re on listening to the audio – where can they go to get more from you? I know your website’s really cool, but, if someone’s out there listening, they go; you know what? She’s really resonating, where could they go, what can you give them? What’s happening out there for you online?

[00:22:26]

Ruby: Just head to my website, www.iamru.by. On there, you can read about my group coaching programs, one-on-one programs, and if you want you can dig through my big vault of blogs amd vlogs, which can be found there. That’s the best way to reach out to me.

Ruby: You can also find me on social media @iamruby – pretty much on every platform known to man. My personal favorites are Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook so if you want to have a conversation feel free to hit me up.

[00:23:14]

Chris: I would empower anyone who’s out there who is needing – if you don’t have a coach, you’ve got to find one, because the challenge is everyone in your environment is either a friend that they can’t tell you the truth. I would empower you – if this sounds like something you want to do – go check Ruby out.

[00:23:44]

Chris: Any last words or thoughts to our soon-to-be awesome entrepreneurs who are listening?

Ruby: Don’t be afraid to own your s***.

Ruby: Whatever it is in your life, understand that every single experience has brought you to where you are today, and that you played a role in that. The moment that you own your sh** is the moment that you gain the power to create change.

Ruby: So own your shit.

 

Listeners, I love you, Thanks for tuning in to the Total Freedom Business Show. Wherever you are, make sure you go to www.ChristopherMDuncan.com to get the show notes and live with Total Freedom; free your mind, free your time, free your life. Do what’s matters most and do it right now. Bye now!