Episode 49: Mastering Your Mean Girl | With Melissa Ambrosini

Welcome to the Total Freedom Podcast. Today, I’m with Melissa Ambrosini, and I’m so excited to have [her] on. If you don’t know who Melissa is, I don’t know where you’ve been hiding. She is the best-selling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, self-love teacher.

[00:00:48]

Chris: Melissa, I’m so glad to finally be here talking to you. I’m really inspired to have you on the show, so welcome.

[00:00:56]

Melissa: Thank you. I knew it would happen when the time was perfect.

[00:01:00]

Chris: You’re from Brisbane, Australia aren’t you?

Melissa: Originally yes, I was born there, but I don’t live there anymore. I spend most of my time in Sydney and I head to L.A. a little bit but my main base is in Sydney.

[00:01:25]

Chris: Tell us a little bit about you, and how you got started! I mean, you’ve got so many things that you’ve done; I love your show, I love your groups that you’ve got online, your YouTube channel is awesome, you’ve got business bootcamps – so many cool things going on. I’d love to hear, just – where did you start out?

Melissa: I actually haven’t always done what I do now. In my past life, as I like to call it, before 2010, I was living a very different life. I was actually a professional dancer and I danced at the Moulin Rouge in Paris. And I did some acting and some TV presenting and a little bit of modelling. I was a wannabe model, which is code for I just did promo work and the occasional modelling gig to get by. It was not a very glamorous life – that is for sure. Although some people really think that it is, it’s definitely not.

[00:02:45]

Melissa: I was living with anxiety, depression, panic attacks, [and] eating disorder. I was surrounding myself with not so inspiring relationships. I did work that was no longer true for me.

[00:03:12]

Melissa: In 2010, I hit rock bottom and I ended up in hospital. There was no more candle left to burn. All the partying and doing drugs and drinking and running from myself. There was nothing left to burn after that.

Melissa: So I ended up in hospital, and prior to that hospital experience, there was warning signs. There was in and out of emergency and the doctor’s office … saying; oh, you don’t have anything wrong. You just have chronic fatigue. You’re fine, just have these anti-depressants. Oh, just take this for your anxiety. That kind of went on for about two years.

[00:05:46]

Melissa: I had tears streaming down my face because I just didn’t recognize myself. Literally. I was like; what has my life come to? I’m so unhappy. I am so unwell. And I’m looking at myself in the mirror and I do not recognize the girl that I know was deep in there, once upon a time.

Melissa: From that moment, I had beautiful angel friend, who I call my guardian angel, send me a book called Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal your Life”.

Chris: What a good book! What a good friend.

Melissa: I devoured that book in one day – because I had nothing else to do and daytime TV in a hospital bed wasn’t appealing. So I devoured this book and it planted this seed within me. And I was like, okay. This is a very dark, hard time, but I knew – in that moment – if I sorted my health and my life out, I could live an awesome life.

Melissa: I didn’t know how – I don’t know how I was going to get better – but I just knew there was this tiny glimmer of hope.

[00:07:21]

Melissa: Six years later, here I am; bestselling author of this amazing book that I’m so proud of. I’m a motivational speaker, I speak all around the world, inspiring people to be the best version of themselves and live their best life.

Chris: Wow. I’m so inspired – and good for you!

[00:08:05]

Chris: I’m sure you agree that sometimes we have to see the dark before we can see the light. And, sometimes, it gets the darkest before it actually then becomes light.

[00:08:26]

Chris: You’ve obviously had a huge journey. What were some of the moves or the steps that you made. You read that amazing book by Louise Hay. What kind of happened next for you?

[00:08:48]

Melissa: I did a lot of external work. I overhauled my whole health. I went and studied holistic nutrition and health coaching, because I had no idea how to nourish my body. I went and studied it so that I understood and really could dive deep into that.

Melissa: I stopped flogging my body at the gym, and I started doing yoga and things like that. After I overhauled my health, I then started doing work that I loved, so I went on and studied life coaching. I began sharing what I was learning through my website, melissaambrosini.com. I started coaching women one-on-one, running workshops and seminars and things like that.

[00:09:58]

Melissa: And then I also realized that the people I was surrounding myself with weren’t very supportive, and so I started to put myself in situations where I was going to be surrounded by like-minded inspiring people.

[00:10:25]

Melissa : So I did all of these things external, and I realized that it didn’t matter how much green juice I was drinking or who I was surrounding myself with or the work that I was doing, if I hadn’t have mastered my inner mean girl.

Melissa: Even though I was doing all of these external things, my mean girl was still like; “you’re not good enough, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not skinny enough, you’re not working hard enough, you’ll never be successful, who do you think you are, may as well give up, you’re never going to meet the guy, you’re never going to get out of debt.”

Melissa: I realized that none of that other stuff mattered until I mastered my inner mean girl. And everyone has that inner critic.

[00:11:48]

Melissa: So, I mastered my mean girl, and I’m still mastering her every day. It’s a choice, and then this how my book was birthed into the world. It’s a guide for women – it’s the No BS guide for women on how to be wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love – and to silence our inner critic that we’ve all got.

Chris: What a great title!

[00:12:18]

Chris: For all the listeners out there that have a mean girl and for the guys that have a mean … boy – mean guy – [laughs]

Melissa: Bad boy!

Chris: — bad boy on the inside, what would be your suggestions or what are some of the big things from the book – and I suggest everyone go and grab the book – [but] what are some of the big takeaways from the book that the listeners can kind of hear and put into play right now?

[00:12:47]

Melissa: The first step to mastering that inner critic voice is to read the book – like you said. But I can share with you a little three-step process that people can start to do today, if you like?

Chris: I would love that, Melissa!

Melissa: Awesome! So, the first step is awareness, you have to become aware of what it is that that internal voice is saying to you. And maybe it’s; you’re not skinny enough. Or you’re never going to meet your soulmate.

[00:15:33]

Melissa: The second step is; gently close the door on that thought. That thought may pop up a couple of times throughout the day and maybe it’s triggered by something someone says. Instead of inviting that thought in to come and hang out for a couple of days with you, and to swim around your mind and plant other seeds of fear and doubt, I want you to gently close the door on that thought.

[00:16:34]

Melissa: And then the third step is; you choose love instead.

Melissa: How can you reframe that to something more loving and kind?

[00:17:31]

Melissa: So then, whenever that thought comes up again, I want you to take yourself through that 3-Step Process. I want you to go; okay, there it is again. That’s fine. Thank you, but no thank you. Gently close the door, and then repeat to yourself; my business is growing and evolving at the perfect speed. Whatever resonates with you.

Melissa: That doesn’t mean that you just sit back and take a holiday! You still take inspired action and put into place the things that you need to do to help your business grow. It takes the power out of your ego and puts the power back in your hands. And in that moment, you just mastered your ego.

[00:19:01]

Chris: It absolutely makes sense!

Chris: I think, for all the listeners out there, maybe you want to listen to this a few more times and really get those steps, because they are simple, but it definitely is that whole just reframing that voice.

[00:20:51]

Melissa: Personal development and being the best version of yourself is work! Spiritual, personal development – it doesn’t have to be so serious. I’m so bored of people being so serious about.

Melissa: Life is meant to be fun and joyful and happy. We’ve got to bring that element of play and joy into everything we do.

[00:22:39]

Chris: What’s on the cards for you in the future? What have you got planned this year and coming up?

Melissa: I’m going to start writing my second book but I’m about to launch my Mastering Your Mean Girl 10 Week Activation Program, so it’s an online program to help catapult you into living your best life. I’m so excited to launch this bad boy into the world!

Melissa: I’ve got some amazing guided meditations – there’s ten chapters in my book and ten guided meditations. That’ll really help you ingrain everything that you’ve learned, because I’ve realized something; nothing changes if nothing changes.

[00:23:30]

Melissa: And you can get all that information at https://melissaambrosini.com/ or www.masteringyourmeangirl.com, and I’m on all social media. I run lots of events. You can just check out the Events section of my website. Yeah, head on over to masteringyourmeangirl.com to get my book! It’s in all good bookstores, and if you’re an online person, you can get it online; Amazon – all those good places.

[00:24:14]

Chris: I know that we’ve got to say goodbye in a second but, before we do, what piece of advice would you give to that person who has that ego that’s running wild – other than to get your book?

[00:24:34]

Melissa: Know that you didn’t come here to suffer. That God, the Universe, Jesus, whatever you believe in, didn’t put you here on this earth to suffer. You came here to grow and evolve and be the fully expressed version of yourself and to share your unique authentic gifts to the world. And when you really realize that, and you let go of the suffering, joy, and happiness, and love and light become your default settings.

Chris: Perfect.

[00:25:09]

Chris: Hey, thank you so much for spending some time. I think there’s been so much for the audience and all the listeners to grasp hold of already. And I think I’d love to leave them at that – we could talk for hours I would love to.

Melissa: I would love to come back, you just let me know when.

Chris: I think it’d be fun!

Chris: Thank you for your time. Listeners, everything will be up on the site, so you can go to www.christophermduncan.com/podcast and you can grab links to all of Melissa’s places and books and things that we’ve talked about on this episode of Total Freedom TV. Thank you Melissa, and ‘til next time, be well and let’s talk real soon.

Melissa: Thank you so much, and thank you for all the work that you do in the world and for spreading all the love and light that you do. It’s a true pleasure to connect and come across you. I’m very grateful.